i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We're using joints as your birthday candles
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
don't judge my taste in strippers
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
