i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
