"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
