hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
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