Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I love having hate sex.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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