she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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