I'm really into asian looking animals
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i drank out of a bidet.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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