Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
