I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
