My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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