i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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