Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
sarcasm needs its own font
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
