she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
