dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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