You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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