if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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