I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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