You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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