hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
