Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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