If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
