she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
