dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
