I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
