WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
