Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
