you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
