Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
