I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
