i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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