new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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