The maid of honor just puked.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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