So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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