I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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