Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
