Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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