Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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