If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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