i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
