guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You're like the curious george of whores
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
