Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
