I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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