dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
the day after is always just damage control
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
