I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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