I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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