All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Vodka?
Forever.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
