my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
