so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
