I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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