Taylor Swift is so right about you.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
