Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
