I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
