We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
