Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I cut my penus on the lid.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
