i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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