I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
