I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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