Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
