You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
