please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
