Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
tell me about the eggs
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
