Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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