This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
