Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
